The Continual Struggle

Another rejection from a p.r. firm. Once again, I was too "colorful." I'm thinking of returning to the theater where my sense of humor and creativity will be truly appreciated. I tried living my mother's life and was fired. I tried living my father's life and found news almost killed me. Let's try living my life. And let's remember that for 15 years, I grew up on a stage.

And some thoughts from Rob, my favorite astrologer.


Summing up his ongoing attempts to understand the truth about reality, San Francisco Chronicle columnist Jon Carroll wrote, "I am grasping one hair at the end of the tail of a very large tiger, whose exact nature and intentions are not known to me, nor will they ever be. I can only hope to describe a few things about the hair. And I could be wrong." While this is in general an apt description of the quest most of us are on, I think it's overly modest in light of your current astrological omens. For the foreseeable future, Pisces, I bet you'll have the tiger's entire tail in your clutches, and your ability to extrapolate from it to surmise the nature of the whole tiger will be extraordinary. Courtesy of freewillastrology.com.

I know a lot about tigers. They've been jumping on my head and biting my toes since 1974.

:-)

We Are Legion

I am cutting and pasting this from a very important email I received. I will not say who sent this to me, I will not mention names in it, but it's too good not to post. Once again, I am right. People seem to hate this soothsaying quality. I wonder if they, too, hate the person who chose to fill out this AP exit survey. I chose not to. I looked the ugly version of Eva Longoria right in the eye and told IT I was one step ahead when they tried to get rid of me. Read on, kiddies. It's a joy to behold!

Corporate Finance Dept needs to change it's database [name withheld]. it's an old system.
-My supervisor does not dress professionally but she expects me to dress professionally.
-Her assistant, at times was only in the office on average 2 1/2 days a week.
-Most of the meetings the supervisor held with those in the department was to tell us about what we do wrong...I can only name 2 meetings (in the 3 years at AP )that were held to thank us for a job well done.
-Morale is low in corporate finance, and it seems like no one cares. For example the CFO treated corporate finance to bowling once...ONCE!!!!
-Salaries are not competitive.
-There is no growth within corporate finance.
-[Name withheld] treats her subordinates harshly...she yells at them and has thrown papers and books at her subordinates, and no warning has ever been given to [same person, name withheld]. That is unacceptable behavior for a supervisor or anyone else.
-My supervisor takes about 3 to 5 smoke breaks a day but we cant take a single 15 minute break? Please explain how that is justified. AND!!! It is common knowledge that my supervisor takes 3 to 5 smoke breaks a day.
-My supervisor uses foul language too often.
-I feel that [the company] should train its supervisors on dealing with subordinates because there are problems in that area.
-In the morning commuting to work I would get off at the A station on 8th ave at 8:40 then get to the office at 5 minutes to 9. In short, the 450 w 33rd street location is a bad choice.
-Health insurance is too expensive for the low salary I was making. I had no health insurance the entire time [I was] employed with [the company].
-In corporate finance there are too many supervisors and not enough subordinates. (too many chiefs and not enough Indians)
-Any company where a CFO [name withheld, often referred to as King FiFi] wants to get rid of an employee in the mailroom [name withheld, but a very nice and hardworking person] because the CFO does not like the employees hair is not a company I want to work for. Doesn't the CFO have more important issues to deal with?

But of course the CFO has more important issues to deal with, the first being: how does one finally come out of the closet? If this person would stop hiding behind the sham everyone knows to be a false front, perhaps this misdirected hatred would not be flung towards those who must suffer under his so-called mighty bearing. And while we're on the subject of hair, this employee's choice of hairstyle reflects a personal look that is in no way written in the current employee handbook as a justifiable offense and some would say it's this employee's religious beliefs that deem that choice viable. If I'd mentioned this person's last name, it would become clear why this employee's hair is this way.

Yes, I was truly and mightily, by the hands of St. Michael and every Angel, delivered from a festering pit of filth. Faith is everything. Go see "The Reaping." Trust me, it's relevant to today's world. The twist is not knowing what evil looks like or what it does. But I have learned that in order to appreciate the light, you must learn the darkness. It seeps in and sucks the life out of all it encompasses. And sometimes it wears a gentle, soothing grin.

As for His Name We Abuse, I am happy to report a quick glance on their website revealed to me even more of a mess than when I was ousted two months ago. Currently, the vacancies include no COO, no CFO, no HR Director, no Head Delivery Person, no Intake Specialist, no Nutritionist, no Cook, no Porter, no Head Custodian, and an open driver position. As for the drivers, the one thing I did learn is that their union locked them up in a deal for them to make roughly $18,000 a year. That would make them eligible for food stamps. And this place has the balls to link itself to the good works that Ganga Stone once held steadfast? I guess I was delivered again. As Kjou often has said to me, "Don't mess with a child of God." While I would never assume that I am so special or 'marked', apparently Providence or perhaps my precious muse saw fit to remove me from what could have been a potentially fatal situation.

Yes, I am struggling financially. Emotionally? I haven't been this satisfied since Christmas mornings when I was a child in my little Bensonhurst house. That's the kind of joy these demons would love to steal, but can never touch.

Blessings, blessings. Don't block the blessings. Evil never wins. Look it in the eye, say kind words, and walk away with your held high. That, kiddies, is the way to achieve GRACE.

Cows may come and cows may go...

But the BULL goes on forever! And I say this since we're moving into Taurus. I hate Aries, always have, always will.

I'm still hanging in there, fibro's been pretty bad since this humidity is not doing much to help, but I will survive. I'm laying low, taking more naps inbetween my computer-hunting marathon sessions on monster and hotjobs. It's what it is. If I have to give up my Cobra coverage? I will. Just to pay the rent and keep the roof over my head. It seems my former boss has popped up all over tv with the company IT used to work for. In love with political statements, lobbyists, and all that b.s. The stuff I hate. I truly adore "liberals" who feel they need to "speak up" for the "little people" when they themselves have lived lives of privilege. Since I didn't (and probably never will), these same principles actually stand for the fights--the VERY REAL fights--I've had to fight, not by choice, but by necessity. Equality is a lovely choice when you have it handed to you, it's a different concept when you need to take bats and bricks to cover the streets in protest while you're greeted with "No Dogs or Irish Need Apply" upon exiting your check-in at Ellis Island. At least I know who I am and what made me this way.

I'm focusing on planning Kjou's birthday party, which is May 3. We'll head on up to Amy Ruth's and have some honey chicken. I will blog about other things besides my bitterness, but karma's coming back around--more good people have left AP, and my spot has not been filled at His Name We Abuse. HA! I'm loving it.

This may be the longest amount of time I've had off since summers when I was in grammar school. That was well over 20 years ago, maybe I should read some "approved" books and write reports about them or something. I'm totally hooked on Mo'nique's Charm School featuring the wackadoos from Flavor of Love's Season 1 and 2, so that provides me with something to look forward to. Also, if you haven't checked out Shear Genius, it's pretty good for a reality show. It may even rival Project Runway in terms of drama and popularity. These characters can really cut hair! Funny they chose Jacklyn Smith and not Farrah, tho'. I'm sure it's because the level of "Bride of Wildenstein" facelift and Botox-madness is slightly lower than the former Ms. Ryan O'Neil. And of course, I adore the fact that I'm home to watch Lou Dobbs stick it to the Neo-Cons on CNN every night. I don't have to tape or podcast his show anymore. It spurs me on.

My lack of money aside? I'm enjoying my time off. My body and mind needed it. My goodness! I even remembered to blog today. Gotta keep that up.

Happy Friday!

Happy Easter...sort of

Ok, so it's April. Tomorrow is the Figure Skating in Harlem benefit which I will watch from the sidelines since I have no moolah to speak of to buy a ticket. Johnny is supposed to show, which makes me happy. I haven't seen any of his exhibition programs, so this should be fun. Lang and Tchernyshev are back together, as well, and she really looks like she's grown up. They're doing about 35 shows this year. Let's see if they do the SkyRink Christmas show. I haven't been anywhere near that rink since October, but we'll see. I refuse to throw away 31 years of skating, I'm just "off" again. I go back and forth. If ballet was a lover I can no longer have, then skating is my pal, my buddy. We hang out when I get the time. Belasco understands.

Cold out there today. I actually saw snow flurries this morning! Wow. Sometimes it snows in April, as Prince sang.

What else is going on? 300 was amazing. I wanted to slash and kill something when I came out. So many of the shots were straight from the book, my jaw dropped. I can't believe an obvious bunch of Canadian and Scottish actors pulled off the "greek" look, which is usually dark hair and black eyes. I guess the casting crew wanted some color in the sea of sepia, gray and red. Satisfying, really. I sat in a row with about 15 teenage boys. I fear for the bully they'll take on come Monday. If you see a bunch shackled in handcuffs after a sword attack on the evening news, yup! Those were the kids.

Christine Valmy Inc. wants to see me again tomorrow. I'm meeting with Marina de Haydu. Let's see how that goes. I just want something before May. After that, I'm fucked. I won't have enough for rent and Cobra, I'll have to pick which one I can pay for. One of my scrips got lost, too. That means I can't refill until April 25. Ick! Let's see how that goes. I'll just suffer, I guess. I'm tired of taking all these damn pills.

Kjou and I continue to marvel at the skankiness of the Flavor of Love girls--they're a bunch of stripper rejects. They're all flammable, too: not one real breast or stitch of human hair on that stage. Everyone of 'em is synthetic, New York being the worst offender. I've come to the conclusion that her mother's wig was based on the Zuni fetish doll--google "Trilogy of Terror" and the doll should pop up onscreen. I've actually looked at them side-by-side. The similarity is SCARY. Let's see if someone doesn't see fit to give her a talk show. The whole Flav thing is hysterical. One Surreal Life show onto Brigitte Nielsen to....my god. And yet, I watch. It's like Jerry Springer--you feel better about yourself knowing that really stupid people are doing stupid things and making fools of themselves. Some of these girls should be watered--they lose IQ points when they pee. Sad, but true.

And I'm still in Life Limbo. My god, how weird this feels. At least my hair and boobs are real.

Yikes

Rob's prediction this week for longstanding suffering fish like myself...yikes.

Paul Revere was a hero in the Revolutionary War, renowned for the midnight horse ride he risked to warn American militias of an imminent British attack. After it was over, he sent a bill for his work to the local rebel organization, the Committee of Safety. Four months later he was finally paid, although with a sum lower than the one he invoiced. Let's compare these details to your imminent future, Pisces. First, I think that like Revere, you should ask forcefully to be rewarded for your idealistic efforts. But second, don't be crushed if in response you're treated as he was--paid late and in a smaller amount than you wanted. Third, there's a good chance you'll receive additional compensation from unexpected sources--maybe not exactly like Revere's lasting fame, but something of value to you.--courtesy of Free Will Astrology.

I don't fame. I want a job, dammit.

A special thank you to KJou to informing me that the stupid victim thinks I should take back a former co-worker's job this week. Looks like another unsuspecting victim was smoked by the Snake Bastard. I wish this man a painful and bile-filled death. And the stupid bassett hound with him. My prediction? Newsmarkets will cease to be a department at all after this next board meeting in two weeks. Everyone will go down to digital, they'll get rid of the temp, and Wick Temple's legacy will finally be dismantled once and for all.

The AP's going down in flames, people. I am happy to say that neither place has been able to replace my position.

And that makes me happy.

Small reward, I guess. Sigh...