Well, this whole thing with Arizona apparently stirred up a shit storm with Joe Lopez, a person I knew from 1986 when my best friend went out with him. (Since I out no one without their permission, I'll call her Sheena, because she dug Charlie Sheen.)I have very distinct memories of this Joe, particularly when Sheena broke up with him to move onto someone who was a little less intense in early Spring 1987. Joe, out in the dust, decided to contact me at the end of the summer of 1987 to try and--I remember this so vividly--"win her back." He sounded contrite, sad, and I thought, hey, I'll talk to the guy. Breakups suck, they're painful. Who knows? I might get an adventure out of this, too, he's got a car and we like the same music. So, it began. In a McDonald's on 24th Avenue. A tenuous link, a meeting. Fast forward to Sheena meeting the love of her life and a few kids later, we're all older, Joe and I hung out no more, I moved on, he moved on. Here's the quirks that caused me to question his character.
I found him to be jealous, possessive, and seeking an identity of some sort. This was particularly funny since I wasn't his girlfriend, I was his friend. I went with him in 1990 to an engagement party because he needed a date. We flirted and what not, but I think it had more to do with the spiked punch than with him. He wanted more, but I was already working on a crush named Paul at my college. Joe pushed, I didn't cave in. I walked away. Perhaps I should have been more clear in my intentions, but you can't ask for the world from a confused 18 year old such as myself. I had already given my virginity to a monster. I didn't want to make another mistake so soon. My last contact with Joe was a Merry Christmas in 1990 and running into him at Pier 16 in 1992.
But back to the present. These past few weeks have presented some of the biggest changes I've seen in the last four years of my life. I might be moving back to NYC and I don't know where I'm going to live, other than with my current Staten Island friends. Mom has stage 1 breast cancer and we are dealing with incompetent offices and Humana healthcare, one of the worst in the country. Humana has an 88% market share in the South. NYC kicked them out in the mid-90's. Memorial Sloan Kettering would be the best place for mom, but she chose to live in FL. Dexter and Akasha, my old cats, will have to stay with her since my living situation is up in the air. She's stressed. I'm stressed. Facebook has not only provided a link to the outside world for me, but also a reconnection to those that not only know me, but went to school with me, lived with me, saw me grow, work, change from about 1978 up to this present day. Quite a tool, this social media.
And so, I made my announcement about mom last week. People were and are concerned. Joe says nothing. I post pictures of my late father, whom Joe met on many occasions. Silence. Then, Arizona happens. A crazy guy with a gun shoots a congresswoman in the head, kills ??? people including a nine year old girl, and I mention how the hateful speech that always seems to come from the right might have had something to do with this. JOE JUMPS ON ME LIKE A MARTINI AT A COCKTAIL PARTY. Sympathy? No. Just a crack about how I'm a stupid democrat, which is not true. I am a registered independent. In fact, if you'd to look it up, I'm in Lake County, FL. Call their board of elections in Tavares. They'll tell you. But, like the old Bushie argument, if I'm not "with" Joe, I must be against him. Two posts, one that I absolutely saw red and deleted immediately and the other, "OOPS. DEMOCRAT." Um, NO, asshole. INDEPENDENT. LIKE BERNIE SANDERS OF VERMONT. Do you even know who he is? I doubt it. That means I think the GOP is full of shit and the Dems are pissing me off, and they are. Obama sold out to big interests. He's Bush lite. I'm beginning to get angry at him, but I'm not about to give up or vote for Nader, when he runs again, which he will.
This attack, if you don't know is an Ad Hominem argument. A favorite among conservative republicans. It is known as a "logical fallacy" linking a particular argument to the personal beliefs or traits of the person making the argument. Now, some of you may not be familiar with this blog. Some of you may not know the depth of my family, particularly my father's side. While he may have been an alcoholic and a gambler, he was also schooled by Jesuits (google them, they are Morpheus in the Catholic Matrix.) His cousins became doctors, lawyers, forensic psychologists, union delegates who worked for steamfitters, teamsters, pressmen in addition to the AFL-CIO. They know how to argue. They know the facts. They use the facts to win. PLUS given the fact that we are Irish and defend the written word and logic at every turn. (Google the monks in abbeys who risked their lives writing bibles longhand and other books that were banned by the British in the 1400's. This is my lineage.)Books, not tv, were my babysitters when a teenage girl was not available. Joe seems incapable of remembering this. My beliefs make up who I am, but not what I am. The argument, unequivocably, stands by and for itself. You spew hate? Hate results. Hate festers, then comes the violence. Put lax gun laws into the hands of a disturbed and socially awkward individual and you have this past Saturday unfolding before you like a bloody tablecloth. Am I wrong? No. Pick up today's NY Times, Dallas Daily News, LA Times or Tempe Sun. Sarah Palin uses crosshairs on a map and this governor is targeted? You think someone wouldn't try and do something with that? It's no longer enough that the freakish right in this country decide NOT to say anything, they refuse to DO anything. Words have consequences. This kid obviously knew he had no future and decided to take it out on government. People are fed up. Perhaps, Mr. Lopez is pissed that I did not write that I DO NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE IN ANY FORM. But don't attack me for what I didn't say rather than what I did say.
Joe? I'm truly saddened that I had to defriend you. I'm even more saddened that I blocked you in a blind fit of rage because now, you won't be able to read this, unless one of our mutual friends (and there aren't many) decideds to link this post on their FB profile. I wouldn't dare ask, but I have no intention of begging you for your mercy. My previous posts show that I tried to have a decent conversation that was logical, merciful, and filled with facts on my personal position. Still, you chose to insult, attack and vilify me. I'm not that skinny little big-boobed blonde you remember from the early 90's. I have acquired quite the education and quite the fury. You chose not to go to college. From what I remember, you were a security guard, then you dabbled in acting with the Pompeii Players troupe, then you went off to Wall Street right before the crash of 1987. I don't remember what you did after that, and I really don't care. What it seems to me is that you were looking for an identity. Which of course, running off into the armed services would fit perfectly. Something in your psych profile would most likely have seen that 1) you fit a certain moral obligation, which the army/navy/marines adores; and 2) you'd be a good part of a group, a team. In order for that to work, you give up a civilian mentality, which, at this point, I question was ever there. And lastly, 3) you're a minority. Any way you slice it, that's really the only way a minority in this country can make any money. If it comes from being a veteran.
Now, I know I must seem petulant and rude. I don't mean to be. Your service is honorable and I have a few friends overseas. I have also given money and donations such as care packages and books thru my local church groups and military friends' families. I don't regret this. But I do question: where does the voice of the individual fit inside the paradigm of the military? When you're off-duty, do you switch your thinking? That would be quite the psychological trick, if you ask me. Compartmentalizing is quite the state to maintain. I hear it's rampant among serial killers, now that I think of it. But, I digress.
If you choose to attack me, let me point out some of your contradictions. Here's where the lawyer blood of my relatives kicks in.
Joe, you say you are against huge government and believe in low taxes. Then, pray tell, why are you living in Sacramento, CA? That's one of the highest taxed state besides NY City, where you come from. Let me play devil's advocate and state that it could be that you're hispanic? If you lived in the south, where I do (very much against my will), you'd be as good as black, and we know how they feel about blacks in the south. The only difference, as I heard one redneck say, is that hispanics know how to swim. Even Kjou, my jamaican buddy, laughed at this one!
You say you are against socialism. Obama is not a socialist. Bernie Sanders of VT is a socialist, but something tells me you're not up on your representatives the way I am. I have watched hours of Cspan and CNN much to the dismay of former roommates, boyfriends, and yes, mom. Obama's most recent vote to give a giant tax cut to the rich is not new, it's an expansion of existing Bush policy. I'd figure you'd agree with that. Or, are you just pissed that he's black? Parts of the GOP would see you as exactly the same color, so I don't understand defending those that basically wouldn't have you. They wouldn't. I live in a 96% white area. These people hate tans. That's why they call them rednecks: they're permanently sunburned.
You say you don't want handouts. Ok. I agree with that. But about the unemployment that millions of people, including myself, already paid into. None of you seem to mention that. That money has already been put aside. At least for the first 26 weeks, it was. In NYC. I'm not up on state laws past this mishegoss of Sept. 2008 when the banks almost collapse. Again, Obama wasn't in office, so you can't blame him. The initial stimulus was released BEFORE the November 2008 elections. True, Obama continued afterwards with the second bit in early 2009. But you can't blame the gov't for being up Goldman Sachs's ass. They aren't named Government Sachs for no reason.
And while we're speaking of handouts, I find it interesting that you grew up, at least partially, in Coney Island. Was that public housing on West 29th Street? Or am I wrong? I don't remember begin buzzed into Seagate, and I have friends that live there. Again, this famous Irish memory of mine. It's like a steel trap. So, handouts piss you off, you wouldn't do public housing ever again? What if you had no place else to live? Would you take one of your rifles and turn into Ted Kasczynski? Now that would be truly hilarious.
And lastly, I have to mention this: is this a bit of a Napoleon complex I see? I mean, this country is not nice to short men. Eminem is a stunning example. Great rapper, but I wouldn't want to date him. Too many issues! No, I take that back. He's got subscriptions.
I also have to wonder if your need for power really resides in the true focus of conservative republican beliefs or perhaps the deep-seated need to align yourself with some kind of power. They are the party of 'No' and mostly to middle class and minorities such as yourself. Your name is Jose, not Joe. Anyway you slice it, you're not white. Never will be, and I doubt you'll ever have their money, either. Talk about a contradiction!
Did this need for power cause your two divorces? I know firsthand your track record with women, so jesus, that has to suck. And don't throw in my face that we 'tried' to go out. I never had any intention of sleeping with you, and after all this shit? I don't regret it one bit.
And here's my last kicker. You seem to be ok with some of the rhetoric that has come out of the mouths of your party, and I haven't heard you complain about AZ's lax gun laws, their mental health services being cut, or even the fact that their immigration policies are targeting other hispanics just like yourself. Now, mind you, while you were born here, and I don't know if you ever spoke spanish, did it ever occur to you that if you were driving into AZ that YOU might be stopped and asked for papers? You're OK with this? What if you got some crazy cop or a state trooper with an attitude? Do you think your NY accent and record would save you? You might be detained. Hell, you might even get the beatdown of your life. But I don't hear you say anything. Again, you wanna jump on me for what I didn't say? Works both ways, babe. Really.
What is truly a shame is how you didn't see the ways in which I grew and educated myself throughout these past twenty years. I was more than a bouncy 34 D blonde who you were hoping to fuck, I became a woman--NOT a girl!--of dignity, intelligence, class and progress. I will not give away or give up my beliefs simply because your ego can't take it. Did anyone ever tell you that there's a difference between theory and application? A difference between ideology and actuality? No. It's all the same to you. And I'm just a sad little liberal with shit for brains who should shut up, know my place and go away? Men like you are the reason I'm still single. I refuse to beg, I will not obey, and I will never watch any of you sell my dignity, my integrity, on an installlment plan simply because you're too fucking insecure about the ways of the world. I feel sorry for you. I feel even sorrier for your son. I hope to god he doesn't end up with the provincial bullshit clogging his brain that has taken the memory of a guy I knew and liked so well to this person in front of me. I feel really stupid that I reached out to you. You popped into my head, and poof! There you were on facebook. I should have seen it as a sign that you didn't reach out to me.
The Joe I knew is now relegated to the scrapheap of my history. You are forever in my past, a photograph, a memory from long ago. I hope you find your way, but there's a lot of soul searching I think you have to do. Telling me and my ilk what you think we are? It just doesn't cut it. I don't need to hear it and my own mother was deeply surprised.
"People change, Annie. You can't stop the tide rolling over," she told me just last night.
So, true, Mom. My fight now is thru the myriad mazes this shit healthcare system in this country has set up. Let's hope she doesn't die in the process. I know that you don't care.
Like I said, Goodbye, Joe. I'm sick of your shit.
