Happy Solstice!

Now here's a site I can into. Courtesy of The Smirking Chimp dot com.

The Goddess

Right now, we're on the cusp until Thursday when we are delivered from Gemini HELL and go to Cancer smoothness. Thank Goddess!

My Dream Last Night

I feel an inexplicable sense of sadness on this, another Father's Day. Since I get more sleep now and less stress, my mind probes deeper. There is music when I dream and colors. And ghosts. So many.

This is the song that came to me. It never occurred to me to look at the lyrics, I only have one piece I know. If you've never heard this song, download it. It's disturbing and yet luminous portrait into despair, something I could not drag my Dad out of. He rarely appears in my dreams, it's a mood that passes through me. I see a white-haired man walking slowly ahead of me. I cannot catch up. I know who it is. He does not face me. He could not face himself.

"The Drowning Man" by The Cure

She stands twelve feet above the flood
She stares
Alone
Across the water

The loneliness grows and slowly
Fills her frozen body
Sliding downwards

One by one her senses die
The memories fade
And leave her eyes
Still seeing worlds that never were
And one by one the bright birds leave her ...

Starting at the violent sound
She tries to turn
But final
Noiseless
Slips and strikes her soft dark head
The water bows
Receives her
And drowns her at its ease
Drowns her at its ease

I would have left the world all bleeding
Could I only help you love
The fleeting shapes
So many years ago
So young and beautiful and brave

Everything was true
It couldn't be a story

I wish it was all true
I wish it couldn't be a story
The words all left me
Lifeless
Hoping
Breathing like the drowning man

Oh Fushia
You leave me
Breathing like the drowning man

©1981 Elektra/Asylum Records

Time to let my subconscious loose. It's the only way to swim, not drown.
Breathing like the drowning man

An Open Letter to the Democrats

I woke up pissed off. I couldn't sleep. I clicked on www.democrats.org and fired off this email. Enjoy. My maverick tendencies continue.

You know, until you twits get a backbone and actually put impeachment on the table and stop bitching about Edward's hair and Hilary's shrewish ways, I don't really see how you're going to win the next election. My last name may be Kennedy, but it's clear that this does not dictate my political choices. I lived thru 9/11 and absolutely would die should Giuliani become the pack leader--women, the middle class here in NYC where I'm from, minorities and anyone who wasn't a cop back in the 90's was basically thrown to the wolves. BUT! He's good on tv, he can argue a point, he knows how to bully, he's got a backbone. I voted you all in back into the house in November, and I've seen nothing but the Neocons REMAIN the "alpha dogs" and they will rip this country apart further if most of you don't wake up pretty damn soon.

This amnesty bill--yes, it's NOT immigration refom, neither was 1986, my job was given away to an immigrant (thank you, His Name We Abuse) and I'm college-educated--is a JOKE. Healthcare is in the toilet and Kucinich, the mad elf, is the only one with any progressive policy I can see since I now have joined the 48 million without insurance. I lost my job, have a bachelor's degree and am surviving on my VISA cards. WHEN ARE YOU PEOPLE GOING TO GET A SPINE AND STAND UP? Unless you do something quickly, NONE of you will get a donation nor a vote from me. In fact, I might not vote at all, which scares the bejesus out of most of you.

Bush and Cheney need to be impeached, they are no better than tyrants and war criminals. The middle class of this country-not to mention my suffering city-shouldn't have to travel to India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, or China--a COMMUNIST HAVEN DESPITE THEIR UPCOMING OLYMPICS WHICH I WILL NOT WATCH--in order to keep a job.

The only difference between a democrat and a republican are the symbols of the donkey and the elephant. Wake up, perk up, and start getting out your big sticks and learn to use them. Elephants have a tendency to trample, but another word for donkey is ASS. Hint, hint! That is what I'm seeing from all of you, candidate-wise. Moving to Canada never looked so damn good.

This country is an international joke, a disgrace, and a nightmare. I hope you can sleep at night. I'm too busy job-hunting at 2 am hoping I can crawl out of this hell I'm in. Feel free to write back, when you're not lobbying for more money. Do have a lovely day.

Now watch me get donation slips in the mail. I'm going to save them for the big bonfire I'm going to set when I do my voodoo doll ceremony to burn images of these assholes.

And no, I can't find a decent a/c.

Grrrrrrrr...

My Fedders 1988-2007

Yup, my A/C is gone. And the nickel-and-dime bastard I called charged me $130 to tell me he couldn't do a thing and that I should get a new one.

UM, I kinda knew that. But he STILL didn't take it down the stairs. So, it's sitting in a rusted lump mocking me in my bedroom.

Since NAFTA and China guarantee that I will bring home an overpriced piece o'crap that will break down in 3 years, I'm going with lesser BTU's this time. No 10K this time, 6 or 7 will do nicely. I want coolness in my room, not penguins and Walt Disney serving me ice cubes. This will also save my electric bill from a certain hell.

So, now we begin. Email me and I will shamelessly direct anyone who wants to contribute to my A/C fund where my paypal address is. I'm still jobless, but I had a good interview this week and possibly two more next week. Things are happening, but Mercury goes into retrograde tomorrow. That guarantees rotten noncommunicative fuckups left and right.

I'm thinking of moving to Australia. That way my life can go down the toilet in the opposite direction.

If you love me and don't want to see me melt, pony up. If not, I'll be sitting in a bucket of ice chewing on broken light bulbs to ease the pain of my poverty. Oh, and here's the logo. I can't throw a rent party since, technically, it's for my A/C. (if i'm going to be shameless, at least i can be correct about the funds, right?)

PayPal—the service to donate fast, easy, and secure payments for anything!

Kisses!

A/C? A/C? PLEASE COME IN IF YOU'RE THERE

Why am I up at 2.30 in the morning when I have an 11 am interview?

BECAUSE MY AIR CONDITIONER JUST DIED. I mean like NO NOISE, WIND, NOT EVEN THE FANS WORK.

I'm officially asking for donations. I found a cheapie Frigidaire for $109 at PC Richard that will get me thru the summer, but I still have to pay $50 for someone to come over and take my old clunker outta the window and another $100 on the diagnostics to see what the hell went wrong. If it's a fan or belt busted? They'll pop it in, and all will be happy. I hope.

If not, it's off to PC Richards on my measly unemployment (WHY CAN'T SOMEONE HIRE ME?????) and the magic of lay-away begins. If they even have lay-away anymore. I don't even have a fan that works, that died, too.

SHIIIIIIIT!!!!!

Send me an email, I'll give you my paypal address. I am sooooo not kidding about this. Now I'm going to open the window and try and get some sleep. Let's hope I don't lunge at my interviewer later this morning, grab her by the lapels and say

PLEASELETMEHAVETHISJOBI'MBROKEANDFREAKINGOUT!!!!!!

ahem.

Do I have ice cubes? Maybe I'll just sleep in the tub. At least I'll have time to shower when I wake up, I'll be right there.

In the words of Charlie Brown....

GOOD GRIEF.

Joy and Surprises

Well, I never thought I'd see it again--Gelsey Kirkland's back in NY. She's also back in ABT in the new production of Sleeping Beauty, which I had the privilege of seeing this past Wednesday. She played the evil fairy Carabosse in her own staging of the ballet. I was too stunned to cry or clap, I just sat there with my mouth open as the audience ROARED when she appeared. The staging is new, the costumes are new, even the music has been cut. This production is closer to the original Russian version, clocking in at 3 hours. Since I was sitting with a bunch of Russians, we clapped and screamed at the perfect Rose Adagio, a series of balances Aurora goes through while meeting her potential suitors--four princes from around the world. Soloist Stella Abrera knocked it outta the park in the Bluebird section with excellent extensions and hairpin chaine turns.

Kevin MacKenzie invited Gelsey and this was spectacular. The last time I saw this ballet was 1998 with Susan Jaffe, now retired from ABT. Funny though--Beauty was the last ballet Gelsey was in during her stay in London back in 1986, but she never technically said she was retiring from the stage, she only mentioned that she preferred the classroom. Well, I'm 35 and she's 54--NEVER did I think I'd see her again. NEVER say die, I guess. If that isn't inspiration for me, well, then I don't know what is.

I'm also loving spoiled celebutard Paris getting hauled back to jail. "It's not fair! It's not fair!" she screamed. Um, sweetie? LIFE ISN'T FAIR, DEAL WITH IT. ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD WON'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU CHOSE TO BREAK THE LAW. THE SAME LAW THAT ANYONE POOR, BLACK, OR LATINO WOULD HAVE TO ROT IN A JAIL CELL FOR A MUCH LONGER TIME THAN 3 MEASLY WEEKS. Here's your big steaming cup of Shut The Fuck Up. Straight, no chaser. You little monstrous brat. Karma's a bitch and with all the rotten gossip, games and shit she pulled over the years has come back to bite her in the ass. Ask the rest of us if we care. And if I see one asshole with a "Free Paris" t-shirt? They better start running, because I'm going to smack them into a bruised pulp.

I'm happy to say I've got decent DSL now, so feel free to send me funny animal pics and YouTube goodies. I told Verizon where to go, and got digital cable, too. All for $120. That's $40 split three ways. A good way to save money, if you ask me.

The monster/NY Times blitz has begun, since agencies are still bothering me. I'm going to be employed by July, come hell or high water. This staying home business is starting to get on my nerves.

Ta ta!

And say a prayer for Paris.

NOT!