My Dream Last Night

I feel an inexplicable sense of sadness on this, another Father's Day. Since I get more sleep now and less stress, my mind probes deeper. There is music when I dream and colors. And ghosts. So many.

This is the song that came to me. It never occurred to me to look at the lyrics, I only have one piece I know. If you've never heard this song, download it. It's disturbing and yet luminous portrait into despair, something I could not drag my Dad out of. He rarely appears in my dreams, it's a mood that passes through me. I see a white-haired man walking slowly ahead of me. I cannot catch up. I know who it is. He does not face me. He could not face himself.

"The Drowning Man" by The Cure

She stands twelve feet above the flood
She stares
Alone
Across the water

The loneliness grows and slowly
Fills her frozen body
Sliding downwards

One by one her senses die
The memories fade
And leave her eyes
Still seeing worlds that never were
And one by one the bright birds leave her ...

Starting at the violent sound
She tries to turn
But final
Noiseless
Slips and strikes her soft dark head
The water bows
Receives her
And drowns her at its ease
Drowns her at its ease

I would have left the world all bleeding
Could I only help you love
The fleeting shapes
So many years ago
So young and beautiful and brave

Everything was true
It couldn't be a story

I wish it was all true
I wish it couldn't be a story
The words all left me
Lifeless
Hoping
Breathing like the drowning man

Oh Fushia
You leave me
Breathing like the drowning man

©1981 Elektra/Asylum Records

Time to let my subconscious loose. It's the only way to swim, not drown.
Breathing like the drowning man