Day 3

Well, I'm having fun. Fun on facebook, fun staying with my friend's family, but NO fun with fibro. My legs are killing me.

I also have to chase down the new person at Con Edison who took over for the woman I had been speaking with. I will GET this damn job to take me if it takes everything I have!!!!

Mom has informed me that Kashi is traumatized by me being gone and Dexter is basically sleeping wherever he wants and not noticing I'm gone. I really thought it would be the other way around.

I'm going to blog about my adventures this week due to the lovely speediness of the DSL I've missed so much.

I just couldn't find a decent pic for this post.

Gotta go, Lewis Black is on. He's bitching about BP's oil disaster and I love him for it!

Missing

Dad sang it to me all the time. It's been nine years since I got the call. He loved Duke Ellington.

Love you madly
right or wrong
sounds like a lyric of a song
But since it's so
I thought you oughta know
I love you, love you madly

Better fish are in the sea
Is not the theory for me
And that's for sure
Just like I said before
I love you, love you madly

If you could see the happy you and me
I dream about so proudly
You'd know the breath of spring
That makes me sing
My love song so loudly

Good things come to those who wait
So just relax and wait for fate
To let me see the day you'll say to me
I love you, love you madly

But since it's so
I thought you oughta know
I love you, madly

And that's for sure
Just like I said before
I love you, love you madly

If you could see the happy you and me
I dream about so proudly
You'd know the breath of spring
That makes me sing
My love song so loudly

To let me see the day you'll say to me
I love you madly

(bridge)

Love you madly
right or wrong
sounds like a lyric of a song
But since it's so
I thought you oughta know
I love you, madly

Better fish are in the sea
Is not the theory for me
And that's for sure
Just like I said before
I love you, madly

If you could see the happy you and me
I dream about so proudly
You'd know the breath of spring
That makes me sing
My love song so loudly

Good things come to those who wait
So just relax and wait for fate
To let me see the day you'll say to me
I love you, love you madly

I love you
Love you madly
I love you madly
Oh, I got big eyes for you, baby


His voice. Forever in my head. sigh...

4% of 100 MG...or is it MB?

I have conquered my email account. I have cleaned out the SPAM! It's taken me three hours (while on hold with the IRS and NYC's HRA helpline), but I have done it!

97 pages of useless jokes, pics, fwd's...you name it. This is easily the most satisfying thing I've done since the last time I bathed Dexter. He wasn't happy, by the way.

It took one year of being away from my Mac to get to this point. Now? I'm not letting it happen again. Delete and move-to-folder are my new happy phrases.

Now, if I can conquer Mom's yahoo account. Oh, lordy lordy...

Currently NOT Collectible

Well, the Fun has Begun. My IRS status is "Currently Not Collectible." What does this mean? It means that I meet the criteria for really low payments right now, but I still have penalties and interest coming my way. Oh well. At least I did something.

After a nice 65 minute phone call today with six or seven holds inbetween, Mr. Dietz from Portland OR told me that I would be able to switch over to this status based on the fact that I have basically been rejected permanently for a job down here. 27 "overqualifieds"/ignored applications and my tutoring has really left me with no steady income. Another Facebook friend of old, Blorange (see posts from 2005), will be accomodating me for my eventual move back up to NYC (at least, tentatively for now) so that I can join Con Edison once and for all. Until that Con Ed check begins? It's $25 from Mom to the IRS. Retail, doctors, bookstores (!!!) and school kids with low reading scores don't want my services. So, fuck 'em. I'm going to shoot for the big star this time. With any luck, I'll be able to bring up my cats into a big house with lots of happy people and two dogs from what I hear, and we will all be smiling New Yorkers once again.

My next hurdle--bankruptcy--begins next week. I am not giving these damn credit card companies a fucking dime. Obama made a HUGE mistake by not enforcing usury laws when he changed the credit card "code" this past February. With penalties, all the time passed and my lack of income, I would probably have 50-90% of my paycheck taken away by Visa and Mastercard. I don't think they'd care that I'd have nothing to live on; that's the way of corporate America. And I'm fucking sick of it. Seeing the debacle of BP's "We're Not Responsible" oil spill these past two weeks makes Exxon-Valdez from 1989 look like Disney. What have we learned from these evil wonks? As my friend Willow says, "Slavery is freedom, war is peace, poison is health." Humans? Who needs 'em? Animals? Kill 'em all, they taste good. Children? Useless rug rats. Women? Stupid bitches, they need to shut up. Permanently. The elderly? Kill 'em, too, they're old and taking up space. We're rich white men and we need to count our money. Is it any wonder that the world is supposed to end in 2012? I'm ready for an apocalyptic hoe-down. I believe in entropy, always have. It's the nature of things to destroy what is no longer necessary.

Since I am currently residing in a place where gender is rule (men=good; women=annoying) and color is law (white=power; brown/black=servitude), I've had about all I can take with who's above and below me. I have always seen people in terms of connectedness, not rank. Again, this is why I continually bumped heads during my Office Years. This is what I'm now going to call my job situations other than the Rink ('96-'98). How I could blindly believe that the only way for me to be seen, heard and appreciated was by sitting at a desk is positively, laughably delusional given the fact that most of my working class colleagues are now viewed as no better than chattel. Offal. Garbage. No. Sorry. Game Over. I'm not playing anymore.

Should I have to take another office job, it will be temporary until Con Ed gets its classes together, and I assure you that I will do the LEAST amount of work to get that paycheck. I worked hard, I gave a damn, I showed up, I let people confide in me, I cared, I helped, I went beyond the call of duty many times unpaid, unthanked, unappreciated. NO MORE. NEVER AGAIN. I see now that without a union or worker protections? I'm never going to be paid what I'm worth even I have proof or if I beg. So, you get nothing out me, all you lousy stuffed shirts. The last three years have made me cold, hard, and very unreasonable. My friends are my friends and I love you. My bosses? You were never my friends and weren't meant to be. If I am supposed to work like a man? Well, I'm going to act like the ones I've been stuck with. With the exception of one of my supervisors (a lovely Clark Kent look-alike now residing in CA), I'm going to mimic, rather than be myself. Being myself has gotten my ass kicked, so that doesn't work. I'll put on the mask and play the game for as long as I have to. When better options come about? Buh-bye. You want loyalty? You'd better give it. You want slavish devotion? I'd better see overtime, a good wage, and bonuses. Other than that, get in the back of the line. I've got bigger fish to fry.

I am happy to note that my three big utilities have been paid. I just owe my overdraft from my now-defunct checking account with Bank of America (DON'T GET ME STARTED!) and of course, my dear readers of this blog. My timeline for paying you will be through the rest of this year. Again, I wish it could go faster, but I'm going to pump out the tiny amounts that I was given (the $25, $50 here and there), then the $100 bunch (Meg, you're in here! Don't fret =^..^=), then the legal crap ($1,000's) and my back rent (over $5,000) since a civil judgment has been placed in my NYS Housing Court file. I will never be able to rent from a management company, purchase a co-op, or get a loan for a condo if this isn't taken off my record or corrected as "account paid in full." Shitty basement apartments with crappo roommates will be in my near future, but hey, all this mess will only make me more colorful in the end, I guess.

I've learned a helluva lot since His Name We Abuse offed me. But it's all grist for the mill. I may get a book out of this after all.

:-)

86 degrees and stormy

My god, my fibro will never get used to this. Well, I'm blogging today. Not that I have anything really important to say, but I've kept a lot of you--well, maybe a few--in the dark. I'm sure I don't have the readership I used to. I'm just not interesting anymore. Sorry about that. I'm in pain with all this humidity and exhausted most of the time. I'm also realizing that it won't get cool again until October or November. Jesus, I miss seasons.

This is an actual photo of a county not too far from where I live. I didn't take it, but I want to show the swamp jungleness in which I live. My legs and back feel heavy and achey. I used to like the spring. It gave my body a reason to ease into the the changing weather conditions and sorta condition myself for the big humid boom of summer, but down here? It's all summer, all the time. I can't believe I'm actually tired of ice cream and lemonade. It's not fun when you have it all the time.

In other news, Mom has picked up many jobs since the aging population down here has been hit with a rash of hip accidents and Alzheimer's. I'm not even laughing at this since this is the demographic in which I live. No jobs have taken my resume seriously and my tutoring thing is not working out. So, the extra bucks she makes? She's throwing my way. Again, I'm grateful for this much. I've managed to knock out the utility bills I needed to pay, although I'm not sure if this could help me avoid a whopping $500 deposit on my gas or electric when the time comes. My credit is wrecked and will continue to be so when I look into bankruptcy. I'm broke, kiddies.

Still, for those of you that have been waiting for whatever payment you might have given, the dribs and drabs will be coming within the next month or so. Now that I've kicked out the biggies, I'll be able to start my back tax payment with the IRS to the tune of $25 or so per month and I can help pay back those of you that matter. I learned who my friends are through all of this, and the cleanup continues. That's just the way it is. Some people are gone for good. But some of you? You're gold. You know who you are.

I realize I called in many favors all within a three-month period. I've never had to do this, and it still feels strange. But, we all have our moments. I don't do very well with neediness or vulnerability. These are parts of me I'd rather ignore, but there it is.

Well, it raining again, thunder and lightning, too. I'm off to facebook for a while.

Why I Love Rob Brezny

...and Mercury's in retrograde. People from the past come back. Pisces, awake! We're going to have a better year for the first time in three years. Look it up.

Cut and paste in browser....willowsweb.blogspot.com

This week's fishy horoscope...

In honor of the new identity you're evolving into, I hereby give you the nickname of "Miracle Player," or else -- if you like one of these better -- "Sleek Cat" or "Giant Step" or "Fate Whisperer." You may hereafter also use any of the following titles to refer to yourself: "CEO of My Own Life" or "Self-Teacher of Jubilance and Serenity" or "Fertile Blur of Supple Strength." Feel free, as well, to anoint your head with pure organic virgin olive oil, fashion a crown for yourself out of roses and shredded masks, and come up with a wordless sound that is a secret sign you'll give to yourself whenever you need to remember the marvelous creature you are on your way to becoming.

Ponder smile and laugh.

March on...March?

Well, another trip to NYC netted me some serious time with my docs. I was unable to see my endocrinologist, which scares the hell outta me. I'm still pre-diabetic after 4 years, on this stupid medication. Maybe I can get this woman in her office before her summer vacation? Please, god.

February was too short for blogging with my bronchitis, Vancouver (yes, I know Johnny didn't win, don't RUB it in), Kashi's vomiting, and our newly found troubles with Jewel, our boarder (don't get me started.)

Lo and behold, oh suffering Pisces! We get a nice break. Read on, courtesy of Susan Miller, Astrologyzone.com....

Earlier in the month we have an excellent day that you may want to circle on your calendar - March 7. On this day, Mercury will conjoin Jupiter, both in Pisces, and will help you hone your powers of communication. The written and spoken word will become very important to your progress at this time, and if you are born on March 7, or within five days of this date, this will be true for your whole year to come because this is happening on your "solar return" or return of the Sun to your time of birth. (The closer your birthday falls to March 7, the more dramatically you will see this trend.) Travel taken near March 7 should go really well, and all news, including news about home and family, could make you want to sing! Kathy and Meg, that's great. I'd rather write this than complain about my usual crap. I'm so sick of it all.

And wait....there's more... Life can be very mysterious. For a long time, you've come through very challenging conditions on so many fronts that you began to think this is the way your life would be from now on, possibly forever. Who would blame you? In February, you began to see things change in exciting ways, but you held your breath, hoping the other shoe wouldn't drop. You have nothing to fear. What will make March so remarkable is that it proves a new day is dawning and that the cold dark days on the frozen tundra that you journeyed through for so long have come to an end.

With many planets in Pisces now, you won't need anyone to help you open doors or find opportunity. You can do that for yourself, and your personality will create your destiny. You will make your own choices and they will accurately reflect your innermost needs and desires. It is truly a joyous time when at least one heartfelt dream will be within your grasp. You are almost there, so redouble your efforts, dear Pisces.

The disappointments of late 2007 through 2009 are gone - you are looking at a completely new and improved picture! The month comes brimming with many surprises too - March 3, 7, 15, and 17 will have you speechless. Plan your biggest initiations for after the new moon March 15, for then you will launch your plan at the very best time. Keep in mind that next month, in April, Mercury will go retrograde, so you do have to act now without delay.

Gee, a good birthday? What the HELL does that feel like?

I'll just have to stay surprised.

Oh, and that's a pic of Jupiter. The planet, not my obese (and long passed-away) cat.