New Year, New Unrest

 Whoooo boy.

New year, new uneasy feeling. I'm thinking of that old Eagles song, "Peaceful Easy Feeling." Nope, this is anything but.

Bad BAD reaction to the flu shot. Projectile vomited after a grumbling stomach all day yesterday. Body aches, headaches, and an arm that feels it was hit by a bat. Oh, this is NOT fun. Soup and toast for dinner.

I really should try and return here. Writing and music was always a balm for my scorched soul. 

Orange is back, yes he's back. Yikes.

Mr. Blackie Boo, (Dexter Part 2) has not adjusted to my kissing and squeezing him, but I will still do it. His rough patchy fur is finally soft after a few years of consistent brushing and not having to eat out of garbage cans. He will be 7 soon.

Christmas came and went, my pre-lit tree died row by row in darkness.

Thyroid is still bleah, perimenopause is here, pcos is in full swing, hair loss has begun. Oh, what fun bodily changes are.

The TikTok ban was a psy-op, you can't tell me different. I'm back on, though. Fuck FB, IG, and X. I simply don't care. I might upload to YouTube again, I think I sent something there the other night. I am using filters that match the makeup I was known for in the 80s and 90s. It makes me think of the Jetsons when they put their "faces" on when they spoke on the video phone. Star Trek and the Jetsons pretty much predicted huge chunks of the American future. It made me laugh when I was a child, but it's true now!

So weird. But, here I am. I have to try and reach out this year, but it's so hard. I have faded from so many people's lives. My illness, chunks of my energy have just been sapped, and a bit of depression, too. Maybe this is the passage of time. I haven't forgotten you, but I've just been so pulled away from focusing on other lives. 

There is also a suspected ADHD diagnosis based on things I just found out about my relatives. There is no medication available, though. I will have to stay weird and frazzled, no change there. 

Sigh. Dear God, get me thru this year.

Billy Joel was at the Grammys

 So, naturally, I think of the record he bought me back in 1987. Thanks, Chris. 9 years today. I'm sorry you're gone. To quote Taylor, "You drew stars around my scars/but now I'm bleedin'..." She won for that record, too. 

But yes, I get it. "Hi, it's me. I'm the problem it's me." Midnights were always our afternoons. 

You should be here.

Some Really Good Advice for this Crazy Week!

Another Christmas season, how strange they seem...

 Well, that's pretty much it.

I dropped a table on my foot Saturday and managed to severely bruise 2 toes. I do not think it's broken or my foot would be blue and swollen 3x the normal size. This toenail is definitely turning gray and will fall off.

Fibromyalgia is kicking my ass again, as usual. The change in the weather always does me in. I need dry heat or dry cold. Humidity is simply evil.

I'm waiting for someone to arrive to help me with financial papers, my god what a mess. I can't seem to complete things now without help. How I hate asking for it. Always did. The waiting and the word "no." They follow me around like little demons.

So, I have to limp and put up Christmas items in the window. Not sure about the lights. I might take down the orange and white I had for Halloween and Thanksgiving. Pumpkins and orange seem to work thru November. Now it's red, gold, and green. Red, gold, and green. Boy George is laughing somewhere. (if you're old enough to get the Karma Chameleon reference, go brush your gray hair LOL.)

Tomorrow, my newest black cat goes for dental treatment. Poor thing. I've been calling him Mr. Boo part 2, but I really have to start seeing him as an entirely different cat, and not a Dexter substitute. 12 years and I still miss my little booger boy. He died on Christmas night, about 10 minutes before December 26th. 

Sigh. Rituals. Landscapes. 

Feels the same, but somehow different. 

Mostly empty. 

To Be Understood, As To Understand. I get it now, I do...

Happy Birthday to Danny, Glenn, and Billy.

 Real friends I've had in my life for years. Not phonies that live in dark corners. 8 years since any bullshit. I love the peace and quiet. Lookin' at you, Staten Island. 

I Miss Billy, I Do.