Why Is It Always About You?

That's the title of one of the best books I have by Sandy Hotchkiss. It's a laymen's book on what she calls the Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism: Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, and Bad Boundaries. There's also Lack of Empathy, which is sorely missing from this treatise.

I gave this book to a coworker, and now I have it back. It's definitely worth reading again. If only I had this ten years ago, I might not have made the choices I did. It's also a lovely bolster to all the coworkers, bosses, and general relationships--god, how I use that term loosely--over the years.

The first three items describe my current and former working environment at my last 3 jobs, the next two describe false friends I have gotten rid of since 1995, the last two describe members of my own immediate and extended family. It's such a useful book, I can't recommend it enough.

Even with all the setbacks, disappointments, hurdles and losses in my life, I was not shielded from the truth. I was not shielded from making sense of things myself, and I was never given special treatment. These things, as I have learned in this book, are the exact opposite of what the narcissist lives in. It's all about me, me, me, power and control.

The latest asshole with a violent sense of "me" entitlement is that serial killer in Wichita, Kansas. I won't mention his name since he's probably sitting in prison right now (and he got 175 years) googling his own name. This militant megalomaniac asshole sat in court two weeks ago and bragged about how he strengthened his hands to more efficiently kill his victims. Most serial killers suffer from narcissism at the extreme end, which is malignant and sociopathic. His victims were objects, the surviving children and the one guy who survived were just useless cockroaches who were lucky to escape. Nice, guy, huh? And the media plays right into it--the last thing anyone should ever do is mention this guy's name ever again, it's what he wants.

And to think, I thought I was NUTS. I might have a messy apartment, sleep too much, and buy waaay too much crap on ebay, but I'm no where near as bad as these people. They'd tell me the exact opposite, but that's why books like this are written.

If you're living in Asshole Central, I recommend it: Why Is It Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW. It's cheap on amazon.com. Take a look, you won't regret it.