KILLING the POOR

My face is stinging. Why? BECAUSE I GOT BITCHSLAPPED this week. Here's the latest bullshit from where I work. May my colorful comments only add to your reading experience.

MEMO

Dear Colleagues:

We are pleased to announce a change that has been made to the 401(k) Retirement Savings Plan. What, they're gonna take my ovaries, too?

Effective January 9, 2006, all Administrative Employees that meet eligibility for the 401(k) Retirement Savings Plan (based on the Summary Plan Description) may now increase their deferral percentage to 25% of their salary or $15,000 (whichever is less) in 2006. Now, if any of us "well-paid highly compensated employees want to take 25% out, that means after taxes, healthcare, and the MTA's grubby friggin’ paws--no disrespect to Dexter--this check will be around $350-$400. Who the HELL can live on that? College freshman who need to buy books while still living at home can’t live on that!

This change applies only to all “Non-Highly Compensated employees”----Translation: HALF THE GODDAMN COMPANY. A highly compensated employee (that ain't me) in 2006 is defined by the IRS as anyone who worked for the AP in 2005 and earned more than $95K (once again, the VPs get everything while we choke on crumbs.

Therefore, any administrative employee who was employed by the AP in 2005 and earned less than $95K 75% of THE ADMINS HEREis eligible to increase their contribution. Select individuals VPs who joined in 2006 may be eligible for this benefit, but their eligibility is subject to change in 2007.

Complete details are available online, but if you have any questions regarding this enhancement to the plan or your eligibility, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely,
Your Benefit Plan Administrator

REALISTIC TRANSLATION? It's well-known that none of us make anywhere near 95K. We're lucky to see 40K. Even that’s a fantasy worthy of Jim Henson’s creations. Middle management is luckier to see 55-60K. After all the deductions, 25% is basically working on a stipend, not a salary.

Oh, wait. I'm sorry--am I doing that again? Am I speaking the TRUTH? AM I LIVING IN FUCKING REALITY WHILE EVERYONE ELSE PLAYS GOLF IN SPLIT-LEVEL CONDOS IN JERSEY AND CONNECTICUT AND DISCUSSES THE BIG TEN SCHOOLS THEY SEND THEIR KIDS TO WHILE I GOT STUCK IN THE INSULTING BUREAUCRATIC HELL CALLED BROOKLYN COLLEGE CHOKING ON RED TAPE???!!!! DO THEY WANT MY KIDNEYS TOO? AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE IN A SHELTER[private joke to kinkajou]???

Such is the stupidity of a dysfunctional company. This place makes Janis Powell look like Lee Iacocca. For those of you that know what I mean, I hope you're laughing heartily.

I did receive two phone calls today. Real jobs, not agencies. The schedule snafu is going to work itself out. One of these places is making room to see me next week.

This is the Titanic. I ain't going down. NO way. NO how. Oh, did I mention 12 more people resigned since January 2? That's one person per day in the last two weeks.

BWAHAHAHAAAA I hope google and Yahoo steamroll this rathole. Nothing would make me happier.