Thank You. Here's my Nice List

Well, it's my first day off since Christmas. I can't wait to get out of 2008. 2007 was a cakewalk compared to this year.

Since everyone is basically going over who's been great and who hasn't on the news/magazines/talk shows, I've got my own list.

These have been compiled in random order, but you are not random in my heart.

Thank you Meg for constant support, funny cards, and great emails. Pisces never forget, and you are a beacon of light to us, the Fellowship of Misunderstood Fish. Many fins and happy swims to you!

Thank you Kjou for allowing me to rant, granting me hours-long convos about race, religion, stupidity, music, food, Obama, and the state of the stupidity around me. You will be blessed in many ways for your generosity and spirit. Your gift awaits, and Spice Curls soap is now sold out!

Thank you Roxlander for all the silliness, cut-outs, cartoons, wacky email jokes, and rambling messages as I move into the new year. It's going to get better. Keep the surprise scrapbook cutouts coming. I love 'em!

Thank you Mom for finally coming to your senses and realizing that this here child of your's has finally grown past the age of four. While I will still let you buy me froggy, dog, and kitty pajamas, I've got a real set of problems that keeps on growing. Let's stem that growth and make 2009 a year of gain, not loss.

Thank you Bootsy for taking my late-night phone calls, supplying me with Metrocards and telling me the real deal when I know that I'm surrounded with some talented liars and your basic set of used-car salesman parading as people in power. I'm grateful that out of the dust we found each other. Here's to brushing it all off and shining bright, both of us feeling new and polished.

Thank you Biz and Maroon for making my days better at LUSH, not only for giving me the job, but a place that I've come to know and love. Let the sorority sisters be damned! Bring that Xfiles playlist back in, it was really great.

Thank you St. Vincent de Paul and Bay Ridge Life Center for giving me food, filling my cabinets, and allowing me $25 to buy milk and bread since this wonderful city of mine cut me off from necessary services. You are literally keeping me alive. I never knew it was this bad until I saw other people my age and a bit older going through the same thing.

Please, universe, if you are listening, zap that karma back down to the powers that screwed this all up. Take away the greed, the selfishness, and the deregulation that caused this mess and bring us all jobs and a way to survive happily again, not just hand to mouth.

Sixteen Candles...

Dexter turned 16 yesterday. I can't believe I've had this cat this long. He's lost a bit of weight, he's lost his little teeth and he moves slower, but he's still my Boo.

As for me, I'm in full Christmas rush-mode at LUSH. I think if people wake up and realize there's only five days left? They might actually get up and shop. It is tiring, however. I'm working straight thru this week with no days off until Christmas.
No time to see the lights or even enjoy the snow. I get the weird feeling this is going to be my life for a while.

Please pray, kiddies, that I find a full time job where I can sit for a few hours each day.

And thanks, Meg, for that card. You're feeding my kitties for the next 2 weeks! I'm eating peanut butter and jelly and they're eating turkey, chicken, and duck entrees from Fancy Feast.

ciao and meow.....

Bumbles bounce....back!

What can I say? All is well. Sort of. My credit cards may sue me soon, but my Mac is up and running, some bills got paid, and LUSH is giving me 35-40 hours for the next three weeks. Saves me from having to find another part time spot.

I chose to forego a Charlie Brown tree, and instead put up my trusty tabletop. I also decorated my door. At 1 in the morning. With carols blasting from my tv set (it plays cds) since my other cd player died. Thanks, JVC!

Full fibro attack today, though--we went from 17 degrees on Monday to 63????? today. WTF?

I've also started taking photos from the neighborhood regarding the Christmas lights. They went up pretty early this year, another sign that people just want to get the hell out of 2008. Here's a sampler.



Yes, they're Italian. How'd you guess? Con Ed sends Dyker Heights a case of champagne every year. Carbon footprints be damned!

More pics later this week, so stay tuned!

My New Best Friend

Yup, that's how broke I am. Mom's golf cart died, so it's off to fixing. I'm down to $15 on my METROCARD, no cash. I get paid next week. Christmas is not looking good. But the big jar of Skippy? It's keeping me alive. I have rice, soup, cat food. My fuzzers will NOT starve even if I have to eat peanut butter. Hey, it's protein. It's fun. I have saltine crackers. I will survive.

My cable and whatnot is being turned on next week, my computer should be up and running, and I can list my ebay stuff from home to my heart's content. I will survive!

Roxlander and Kjou, I'm ok. I just panicked because I had no turkey this year, I had a burger.

This is not a recession, this is a depression. At least the idiots at Ford are taking a $1 salary. That's truly...and I mean TRULY...more money than I have in my wallet right now.

Sigh....

Happy Post Turkey

Woooeeeee.....busy, but not too busy. Doesn't look like Black Friday out there. Doesn't even look like Black Annis (I met a guy in a kilt today, shoot me.)

Obama went and passed out food with his family. Bush sent out Hannukah invitations with Christmas trees on them, and I nearly....passed out. Yes, google it. You will see how stupid this monkey really is. And I like monkeys.

LUSH is giving me hours. I might actually have my Mac up and running again very soon. Until then? It's computering at the library, which is kinda nice. I like books. I have to find a way to work with them again.

A special "hello" to Cosmic, Kjou, and Roxxlander. I've been soooo busy lately. But that's good. I'll have more dirt tomorrow so stay tuned!

Oh, and Dexter will be 16 in one month. Poor guy's lost his front teeth. Do they make dentures for cats?

Clive, you were the best ever...

Well, my cable's off, so I'm at the library. Today was the day I dreaded. Clive Barnes, dance critic extraordinaire, has passed away. 81. A good life. His last review was in October. For ABT, of course.

This man made me believe that critics have a function beyond bitching and moaning. I also realize I've been reading his words (courtesy of the NY Post, thanks DAD!) since 1977. The height of my beloved Gelsey's fame.

Sigh...this is too much. I knew he wouldn't last forever. He was diagnosed with liver cancer. My question now is who will take his place?

Deborah Jowitt? Tobi Tobias? Lou Lemenick is a bastard. Jennifer Dunning (no, she's not a whore, Meg LOL) maybe. Jamie Bernard? She's movies, not theater. Frank Rich is writing for the NY Times now. ARRRGGGHHH who will it be?

I couldn't even find a decent picture...maybe later.

I'm off to work at LUSH tomorrow. Hey, it's work. It's bath products, but work.

But Clive won't be sitting in the aisle at Nutcracker in 2 weeks. Rats.

Just get me to the inauguration and get me a full time job. That's really all I want for Christmas this year.

Ick. Bleah. Is Clement Crisp still alive?

Taking It All In

What a week. What an event. In my lifetime. Wow.

I can't describe the actual shock and amazement of having an actual ADULT in the White House. I'm....speechless. Stunned. This country pulled its head out of its ass. We grew up. This is no longer frathouse pranks with politics thrown in.

But now, the growing up must continue. Where do I begin? Here's a vignette to sum it all up.

Back in 2000 when bush (I call him 'shrub') was elected, we were given those piddly little surplus checks from Bill Clinton's hard work of balancing the budget. I got $200. I was sitting in my apartment, going through the mail and I opened the envelope. $200. What the HELL was I going to do with such a small amount? Pay bills, obviously. A frightening thought popped into my mind. My inner voice always knows. "I'm going to pay for this later. In a big way." Tiny thought, small moment, but oh, was I right.

And what am I paying for? A combination of carelessness, sociopathy, bad choices, one-sidedness, greed, corruption, right-wing God-mongering, and a general disdain for the working class and the poor.

Let me sum it up from a stream of consciousness. Whatever comes to mind I will type. Furiously.

My Pet Goat. 9/11. NYC being promised $22 million in funds we've yet to see. This caused the property tax hike, Bloomberg to win (because of Giuliani's endorsement, Mark Green shoulda been mayor), and taxes, taxes, taxes. NYC is now the second most expensive place to live behind San Francisco. Harriet Miers, Rumsfeld, Afghanistan, Bin Laden still on the loose, Operation Shock and Awe, rewriting bankruptcy laws, taking away worker's overtime (which is why AP abused me so), banning stem cell research, Katrina, misunderestimating strategery, No Child Left Behind, Compassionate conservatives (NOT!) and almost 2? 3? 4? million jobs lost over the last 7.5 years or so since shrub took office.

Not to mention the bailout, our new TRILLION dollar deficit, China, India, and Bangladesh getting our jobs, the death of the middle class, the poor falling into poverty, the destitute falling into the pit, the pit being covered with the dirt and ashes of those burned horribly by the rules, the ideology and the factions of power elite that feel fit and suited to sneer at the rest of us like myself.

What I have learned in these last 8 years is that fish rot from the head down. I see a subtle reduction in values that translates into megalomaniacs jumping on the bandwagon and making these tiny things bigger, bolder, and more violent, more reactionary for those who choose not to see. What do I mean?

If we have a president that sneers at the poor and only cares about money and power, those that stand in line next to him feel justified. They run for office, hypnotize those around them, and get voted in based on promises, glamour and flat-out lies. True values will never make anyone feel overtly happy or completely safe. Why? An examination of one's conscience requires a degree of vulnerability, an admission of weakness, things that may go wrong, an imperfection that may have to stand. It requires that all will not agree with the choice between what is right and what is easy. It may not be popular, and it might not taste good going down, but it is medicine. For the conscience, for the public, for the policies, and for the soul.

We've got a lot to swallow now that an adult stands before us. Not an elite, but a person who dealt with racism, food stamps, an identity crisis, and people doubting he could do and be what he says he is. Sounds like a lot of us, huh?

Do we count? Do we matter? Who's going to save us? My god, Barack, you have so much on your plate. So many mistakes to fix, so much mess and blood to wade through.

But you will do it. And we will, too. We have to.

One of the moments I knew that I would not vote for Hillary was when Obama stated, "Just when did selfishness become a virtue in this country?" How many times have I asked that myself? This is not socialism, communism. This is what everyone should be doing for other people: caring, sharing, giving a damn. For all my love of the occult and my pagan Celtic roots, I never forget that I come from the church. Every Sunday, every Christmas, every Easter. Without fail. Jesus was not a warmongering gun-nut. He did not kill with glee. He did not judge with hatred. His lessons were not violent, his compassion was not one-sided.

I am only a cynic because I see what could be. I see what people don't do, don't say. I abhor selfishness, greed. I loathe narcissism, cruelty. I have only cultivated an understanding of these things (and at times, acted as such) because I HAD TO. One's choices are greatly affected by the circumstances around them. And to not have a choice...that is the greatest pain, the deepest sorrow. The loss of belief, hope, anticipation. Let this all be over. Let this water be under the bridge, calm and cool.

We've got a lot of work to do. It's not just the government that needs saving, it is also ourselves. Time to grow up, kiddies. The work begins. Immediately.