Taking It All In

What a week. What an event. In my lifetime. Wow.

I can't describe the actual shock and amazement of having an actual ADULT in the White House. I'm....speechless. Stunned. This country pulled its head out of its ass. We grew up. This is no longer frathouse pranks with politics thrown in.

But now, the growing up must continue. Where do I begin? Here's a vignette to sum it all up.

Back in 2000 when bush (I call him 'shrub') was elected, we were given those piddly little surplus checks from Bill Clinton's hard work of balancing the budget. I got $200. I was sitting in my apartment, going through the mail and I opened the envelope. $200. What the HELL was I going to do with such a small amount? Pay bills, obviously. A frightening thought popped into my mind. My inner voice always knows. "I'm going to pay for this later. In a big way." Tiny thought, small moment, but oh, was I right.

And what am I paying for? A combination of carelessness, sociopathy, bad choices, one-sidedness, greed, corruption, right-wing God-mongering, and a general disdain for the working class and the poor.

Let me sum it up from a stream of consciousness. Whatever comes to mind I will type. Furiously.

My Pet Goat. 9/11. NYC being promised $22 million in funds we've yet to see. This caused the property tax hike, Bloomberg to win (because of Giuliani's endorsement, Mark Green shoulda been mayor), and taxes, taxes, taxes. NYC is now the second most expensive place to live behind San Francisco. Harriet Miers, Rumsfeld, Afghanistan, Bin Laden still on the loose, Operation Shock and Awe, rewriting bankruptcy laws, taking away worker's overtime (which is why AP abused me so), banning stem cell research, Katrina, misunderestimating strategery, No Child Left Behind, Compassionate conservatives (NOT!) and almost 2? 3? 4? million jobs lost over the last 7.5 years or so since shrub took office.

Not to mention the bailout, our new TRILLION dollar deficit, China, India, and Bangladesh getting our jobs, the death of the middle class, the poor falling into poverty, the destitute falling into the pit, the pit being covered with the dirt and ashes of those burned horribly by the rules, the ideology and the factions of power elite that feel fit and suited to sneer at the rest of us like myself.

What I have learned in these last 8 years is that fish rot from the head down. I see a subtle reduction in values that translates into megalomaniacs jumping on the bandwagon and making these tiny things bigger, bolder, and more violent, more reactionary for those who choose not to see. What do I mean?

If we have a president that sneers at the poor and only cares about money and power, those that stand in line next to him feel justified. They run for office, hypnotize those around them, and get voted in based on promises, glamour and flat-out lies. True values will never make anyone feel overtly happy or completely safe. Why? An examination of one's conscience requires a degree of vulnerability, an admission of weakness, things that may go wrong, an imperfection that may have to stand. It requires that all will not agree with the choice between what is right and what is easy. It may not be popular, and it might not taste good going down, but it is medicine. For the conscience, for the public, for the policies, and for the soul.

We've got a lot to swallow now that an adult stands before us. Not an elite, but a person who dealt with racism, food stamps, an identity crisis, and people doubting he could do and be what he says he is. Sounds like a lot of us, huh?

Do we count? Do we matter? Who's going to save us? My god, Barack, you have so much on your plate. So many mistakes to fix, so much mess and blood to wade through.

But you will do it. And we will, too. We have to.

One of the moments I knew that I would not vote for Hillary was when Obama stated, "Just when did selfishness become a virtue in this country?" How many times have I asked that myself? This is not socialism, communism. This is what everyone should be doing for other people: caring, sharing, giving a damn. For all my love of the occult and my pagan Celtic roots, I never forget that I come from the church. Every Sunday, every Christmas, every Easter. Without fail. Jesus was not a warmongering gun-nut. He did not kill with glee. He did not judge with hatred. His lessons were not violent, his compassion was not one-sided.

I am only a cynic because I see what could be. I see what people don't do, don't say. I abhor selfishness, greed. I loathe narcissism, cruelty. I have only cultivated an understanding of these things (and at times, acted as such) because I HAD TO. One's choices are greatly affected by the circumstances around them. And to not have a choice...that is the greatest pain, the deepest sorrow. The loss of belief, hope, anticipation. Let this all be over. Let this water be under the bridge, calm and cool.

We've got a lot of work to do. It's not just the government that needs saving, it is also ourselves. Time to grow up, kiddies. The work begins. Immediately.