BEHOLD THE MESSIAH!!!

I kid you not, kiddies. The following is a cut-and-pasted email from someone I knew in college. His wife has given birth, but this takes it a bit too far. I believe I mentioned that his baby shower was at Grand Prospect Hall last month?



"Welcoming to the world Benjamin Alexander Cyrus Ho.



We had a healthy baby boy at 9:34 p.m. Tuesday. Delivery was by unplanned c-section because of stalled prolonged labor - ultimately we found the baby was in a difficult face-up position and could not come out any other way. Both mom and baby are doing well. We came home from the hospital Sunday night.[Too Much Information? You betcha!]



Despite the unexpected problems, Marsha was very strong and did exceptionally well using her hypnobirthing skills during the about eight hours of labor.[Is there a scale to measure this? Or is this just bragging?]



Benjamin was born 7 lbs 4 oz and 21 1/4 inches long. His Apgar scores were 9/9.[What the FUCK is an Apgar score? Oh, wait...more bragging.]



He came out instantly kicking and screaming without any prompting.[That's what happens when the baby is alive. If something was wrong, there would be silence. Duh.]



He is the center of attention with visits from aunts, grandparents and great-grandparents.[Really David? It sounds like you're the center of attention. The next paragraph will prove my point. Take a deep breath before you read on. Let me highlight it.]



The birth was filmed by A Baby's Story and is scheduled to air on The Learning Channel on Oct. 25. Hospital public relations is already planning a local promotional campaign - he's not a day old and he already has press releases written about him. [that's because Daddy needs to show off.]



Mom and dad are slowly recovering and trying to rest. There will likely be little of that for some time.[Never trust people who refer to themselves in the third person. It shows signs of mental illness. I will gladly discuss the summer of 2002 if you don't follow what I'm saying.]



Pictures to follow soon." [Why do we need pictures? You can just send us the press release, and the free DVD recorder for all of us when the show comes on.]



Have you ever? Is this the height of narcissism or am I fucking crazy? I can assure you he wasn't kidding about the tv show because he works for Cox News, a major Media outlet. They are also a frequent collaborator and client of the AP, where I work, and he once did. He quit in 2002.



I am stunned by the clear ridiculousness of it all. Women give birth all the time, but a tv show? That's the height of hubris.



Yes, all new parents go a bit batty, but that's usually the lack of sleep. This child isn't even a week old yet, so the craziness had to be there before. Ahh, narcissistic supply. Sorry, I gave at the office...