No Profile Picture?

Nope, looks like blogger is changing or I just don't know what I'm doing. Let's see if it shows up. The angels have come calling, however. All water signs and earth signs will have a fabulous year (thru the next 12, actually) since Jupiter, Mars, and Saturn have stopped their bitchy sibling rivalries. Air and fire signs have had their due and my earthy and swimming brethren have really had the short end of the stick.

No more, kiddies!

My first example? A random look at ABT & NYCB's websites (yes, two ballet companies) are seeking help with writing, editing, fund-raising, a B.A., and a dance background. Does that sound like me? You bet it does. NYCB's doing a massive overhaul and now that Nutcracker season's over, I can get down to brass tacks and nag them like mad again. ABT's person who hires will return tomorrow, so I will strategically zap my resume so it lands in the email box first thing tomorrow morning. The way I see it? I tried my father's life for 6 years and it almost drove me to a nervous breakdown. I tried my mother's life and they sent me packing since I was viewed as flightly, flakey, unpredictable and basically incompetent. I know for a fact that I am none of these things, yet these words from that crazed yenta have been a source of doubt and pain over the last 12 months. Never doubt your angels, though.

I dreamed very clearly of a former nemesis who'd accused me of stealing a key to her prized possessions locked in a room. It wasn't true, but I did not fight this woman. In real life, she was always hurling narcissistic accusations at me of how I didn't recognize her grandiosity, something I will never do. At the end of defending myself, I reached into my pocket after being cleared of all charges as a security team waltzed from room to room stating that they'd seen many keys and she had a copy so why was she so consumed about it? She could make a copy of the original and stop picking on me. As I left this estate, I reached into my pocket to find that very key. I did not know how it got there, but it wanted to "be" in my pocket. I'll take that as I sign that I have what I need and when I need it, it will find me. All I have to do is reach in.

I woke up with the repetitive phrase from a neo-soul tune playing over and over..."Who made you the boss of me?"

And that's exactly what I need to be saying to myself right now. Do these people (did they ever) know me? Have they called? No. Have they spent time with me outside an office? Haven't I attended their events, gone to their parties, given lavish gifts at holiday times (when I received nothing), and basically cleaned up their messes? And all for what...so I could be painted as an incompetent. I'm sure my weight gain has something to do with it, too. Fat people are despised in this country, so some subtle discrimination is definitely in play here. I have had a 60 lb. weight gain since my thyroid, hormonal and fibro issues took over my life starting way back in 2000. Could it possibly be that while I'm definitely NOT so shallow to think like this, it's finally hitting me that other people are?

While I do not believe presentation is everything--character is--I am beginning to realize from my theater life that if you want the part, you must play up and reside in your costume. Would we trust a Hamlet who wears jeans and slays everyone with a butter knife? Probably not. Would Odette from Swan Lake show up in eyelash yarn and angora rather than feathers to portray her bird-like delicacy? No. So why do I think that I can try only half as much as someone else while pulling around a much larger--and still damaged--body? Time to get out the Crest whitestrips, buy some new blazers, pants and shoes, get a facial, wax my eyebrows, straighten up and fly....the part. Perhaps that would help.

So I will indulge--since these are two ballet companies--in my demi-lashes to brighten my eyes. A famous makeup artist said to me over 2 decades ago, "Your eyes tell a story now, but your mouth is what you will become." That translated into focusing on lip colors and and not shadows. Well, we know where my mouth has gotten me, so I think it's back to my daring little green windows on my soul. They will hear what I have to say eventually. I want them to look me in the eye.

And not notice my lashes. LOL